Smoking Ban

Is it really fair to stop psychiatric patients from smoking?

Thats what the trust that my hospital is part of is doing.

From Tuesday we have to go to the gates to smoke and noone is allowed out after 9pm. It’s going to kill me.

But theres going to be loads of patients stood at the gate and probably loads of staff too. Won’t people just go to be sociable?

I’ve been told they’re putting cameras up in the gardens to catch people smoking which also isn’t fair on us.

I understand smoking is bad for your health but what about the people who are sectioned with no leave? What are they supposed to do?

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Today I have to go back to the pysch ward as I’ve completed my weekend leave. Can safely say I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK.

Next weekend we’re going to this hotel in Derbyshire for afternoon tea then on Mother’s Day (Sunday) we’re going to the pub for a meal.

Should hopefully get my moving date some time this week so fingers crossed!!

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iTaste Clk

Today I got a new ecig from a shop in Rotherham. I have no knowledge of ecigs except for the fact I wanted one that made bigger clouds than my old one. I chose this one as the battery power is adjustable and it comes with a lanyard so I won’t be able to lose it as easily. I’m trying to quit smoking but I’m not ready to give up the nicotine just yet.

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Seclusion – Is it justified?

Whilst being in hospital, I have been in seclusion many times. Stripped down to my bare skin and locked in a cold room with nothing but a plastic mattress. I’m not even kidding, they take your underwear off you and leave you naked. But surely there must be a reason for this?

If I hadn’t have been secluded I probably would have seriously injured myself and other people. Sometimes when you are mentally ill, your mind can’t tell you what is right and wrong. I’m not proud of the things I have done but at the time I had little control between my thoughts and my actions. If I thought something, I would do it without thinking of the consequences. Being ill can also make your thoughts irrational and your decisions bad.

Seclusion saved my life on some occasions and probably protected many others from getting hurt.

There is always a reason for such horrible actions so make sure you’re properly informed before you campaign against it.

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Today has been a busy day. This morning I packed my bags and got ready to come home for the weekend. This afternoon me and my family did our weekly shop. We then came home and now I am waiting for tea. I’m so hungry because I’m used to eating at 4.30pm at the hospital… Yes, I know. Meal times are stupidly early.

Anyway, I hope you like the updates to my blog. I’ve added a link to my Instagram, feel free to follow 🙂

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Common questions people ask about the psych ward…

Have you been in the padded cell?

No. There isn’t a padded cell. There’s seclusion which is equally as horrible but no padded room.

Do you get put in a straight jacket?

This is not the 50’s or a movie.

Are you crazy?

If having an illness makes you ‘crazy’ then yes. But if I’m crazy then so one in 3 people.

What is your funniest experience with other patients?

I am not telling you because they were ill when they did whatever thing you would consider funny.


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Bucket List Achievements

This is what I wrote 2 years ago. The ones crossed out are the ones I have achieved.

My (recovery) Bucket List

Being in hospital so long has it’s downfalls, being ‘normal’ and doing ‘normal’ things kinda goes out of the window. This is a bucket list of short term and manageable things I’d like to do that are still a challenge to me.

  • Start eating breakfast regularly

I still don’t do this.

  • Cook something and eat it

I do this twice a week now.

  • Go on a walk by myself

I do this every day

  • Go to York on a shopping trip with staff from the unit


  • Spend Christmas at home

I didn’t do this in 2014 but I managed it in 2015

  • Go on overnight leave

I achieved this in January 2016

  • Go to Meadowhall (Sheffield)
  • Meet my brothers down south

I did this in December 2015

  • Go to the supermarket and buy food I like

I do this once a week

  • Have a KFC
  • Go out for lunch with parents
  • Go to the cinema

Just not had chance yet.

  • Have a dessert after a meal and not feel bad about it

I now love desserts! They’re the best part of the meal!!

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Am I ungrateful?

So I found out yesterday that I might be going to a private college that costs thousands a year for free. I know most people would jump at this opportunity but I really don’t want to go.

I went to a council run school in Rotherham and got average grades in my GCSEs and passes in all my AS levels.

I don’t want to go as I’ll be surrounded by people who got high grades and who actually have the money to go. I’ll be the only one from Yorkshire and the only one who isn’t paying. I’m dreading going.

My parents just have the money to get by and can’t afford private education and I’m the first in my family to even get this opportunity.

The only reason I even have the choice of going is that the mental health unit I’m moving to thinks the smaller classes and the chance to get 1:1 tuition will benefit both my mental health and my education.

I don’t know to go or not. What are your opinions?

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Ginger bread


Just made some ginger bread men… now time to decorate!!

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Update on my life

Hey! I’m back again.

I’m still an inpatient on a psychiatric ward but I have news…

I’m moving to supported living in a few weeks.

These last 3 years have been tough but I’m finally moving on. They’ve taken me off my section and I’m free to go on leave whenever I want! I’m so happy.

I’ve not had an incident since the beginning of December, which I’m really proud of.

The supported living place is in Lancashire (I live in South Yorkshire) and its a two hour drive away but I’ll be able to get the train home at the weekends.



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