My head is a mess today.
Do I die or live? How is this a life? Do I eat or not? Do I contact people that I shouldn’t or do I just leave it? Do I smoke or do I carry on trying to quit? Do I run away or do I stay?
Why am I always arguing with myself?
I just want someone to make this all go away but I know in the end I’m doing this on my own. These are my decisions and no-one can make me do anything.
Why must I be alone with these thoughts?
I want to leave this ward and live a normal life but I somehow know its not going to be that simple. If it was a choice of just going and being normal then I would have done it years ago.
I don’t know anymore. I know these feelings will pass but at the moment it feels like these thoughts won’t go away.
I wish a hug would make this all go away, even for a few seconds.